My Best Christmas Present Ever

I was asked to speak in church this past Sunday. I may as well been told the end of the world was near. You see, I don't particularly like to talk in church, but I do it anyway. Kind of a type of self torture, I guess. But I told this story in my talk and decided that it would make a good blog post. And since I haven't written a whole lot lately I figured I would post what I have written. So to those of you who didn't have to hear me in person, you get to read it minus my shaky chipmunk voice and trembling hands. And to those of you who suffered through it already, I'm sorry and God bless you.

When I was growing up our family had a paper route which had to be completed every day, even on Christmas. I should say especially on Christmas, as the papers were very large due to the fact that they were stuffed with the ads for the sales to occur the following day. 

The massive amounts of ads caused the paper to be delivered in two parts requiring us to assemble the paper before trying to stretch a wimpy rubber band around the massive girth of those Christmas papers. Needless to say, many a rubber band broke making the delivery process even more tedious and lengthy. 

 Oh, how I loathed delivering those papers on Christmas morning.

It wasn’t just the process of getting the papers delivered, but the fact that we couldn’t open any packages or see any of our Christmas until all of the papers were done. The time came that the paper route became my responsibility after being passed down through all of my brothers and after 6 years of helping, I would be delivering the Christmas morning papers alone. 

I dreaded the very thought.

Christmas morning came and I could hear my parents upstairs rustling around and I knew that soon they would be coming for me. So true to the lazy teenager that I was, I pulled my covers up closer around me, clinging to the warmth and comfort that my bed offered and quickly drifted back to sleep. 

When I woke up some time later, knowing that my parents usually woke us around 6:00, I put off looking at the clock not wanting know the minutes left before the impending doom would occur. And that’s when it dawned on me that the light beyond my closed eyelids was a little too bright for 6am. I stole an glance at the clock- it was 9:06! The papers were late!

I rushed upstairs questioning my mom along the way. 

“Where are the papers? How come you didn’t get me up sooner?”  

My mother just smiled and said, “Merry Christmas! We got you a sub.”

Over the years, I have been asked about the best present I have ever received and to this day it remains the time my parents arranged a sub on Christmas morning for my paper route. This gift was nothing concrete that I could hold in my hands and only lasted the length of a morning, but the feeling and sentiment behind what others hands had done for me that morning has stuck with me for the last 20 years.

Elvira and her Homie

Last week Richard and I were asked to help with a "Where's Waldo" type activity for the youth in our ward. We were excited to help out especially since it was Ashton's first mutual activity to attend and it gave us the chance to dress up like Halloween in January. Our job was to dress up incognito and stroll the corridors of the mall. The youth were told that there were members of their congregation at the mall and their job was to find them and answer the questions they had.

Easy right?

Not so much.

Especially when they look like this...

And this...

Elvira and her 'Homie' were totally out of character for both Richard and I, but I think that was what made it so fun for us. Maybe, not so much for Ashton since this was his first mutual activity at the mall, with his friends and his parents show up dressed like a couple of goons.

The best part for Richard and me was walking past Ashton twice and he didn't recognize us. Richard worried that he wasn't disguised enough, but apparently he was.

I also got a kick out of the looks both the leaders and youth got on their faces when they recognized me. It was priceless.
I have to thank my friend, Julie, for the use of her wig. And just so you know, I will not be going 'dark' anytime soon. (You can now breathe a sigh of relief.)

So the next time you go to the mall be sure to look closely around at those walking past you, they may not be the strangers you think they are..... they may be even stranger.

Trusty

In our house we have a rule- no eating outside of the kitchen. Out of all of our rules this is the one that is broken the very most...so much that sometimes I wonder why we even have it, but we do. And as with most rules there are exceptions, like when we have movie party or if you are given special permission.  But even special permission privileges can be revoked if your dishes don't make it back to the kitchen. Which they almost never do.

So after a long string of suspending privileges I was skeptical when Dallin asked for special permission to take a piece of his birthday pumpkin pie upstairs to watch Ben reach a new level on some video game. I reminded him of the rules and as I handed him the pie I added this little phrase for good measure, "Now I'm trusting you."

He looked at me and said, "Don't worry, Mom. I'm trust-a-ful."

And it's a good thing that he's so trust-a-ful because he was baptized and confirmed a member of the Church yesterday by his dad.

Congratulations Dallin! Mom and Dad love you and are so proud that you are such a trust-a-ful guy.

We wouldn't want you any other way.

Ready to go in the jumpsuit also worn by his dad, older brother Ashton, and now him.

Repentance

Last Sunday evening, which also happened to be garbage night, my Visiting Teacher made a surprise visit to our house. You know that is just when someone will show up to see me- when all 10 of the garbage cans in our house are sitting in the front room teeming with smelly week old garbage waiting to be taken out.

Lovely.

But I don't care because she brought me this....

She said it was repentance for not visiting me last month. I told her that I really like her type of repentance.

Who wants a chocolate cake from me?

Spring Marathon: Odds & Ends

Just a few small experiences and tid bits to wrap up our Spring Break (esp. since it ended a week and a half ago)....

*Ashton had a dream that he had a pet turtle and he has driven us crazy wanting one since. We did find a very nice 20 gallon aquarium complete with a screened lid which normally sells for $80-100 for $8 at our local DI! Woo HOO! SCORE! Now he is saving to buy a $109 turtle which is supposed to live for 35 years...for that much money the dang thing should live forever.

*Price is a great place to buy leftover Easter candy at discounted prices. Especially, the huge Reeses Peanut Butter Eggs. I bought 3 at half price. I wish I would've bought more...but then again I went swimsuit shopping yesterday morning and I think that 3 was probably 3 too many.

*I got the chance to be Octo-Mom for a day when 4 of my sister-in-law's children stayed with us while she went on her honeymoon. During this time, I was told that "I ROCK" because I made cinnamon rolls for breakfast and when I told my 8 year old nephew it was time to take him home he whined and asked if they really had to leave. When yes, was my reply he said, " No! We're gonna live here and YOU'RE gonna like it!" Well.....what do you say to that?
If I could have kids who thought I was that cool all the time, I might have 2 dozen! But for now I'll love being the "favorite aunt" and take this to mean that I'll make a fabulous grandma in 20 or 30 years...

*Upon leaving our adventure in Price we headed up the canyon towards home. As the van climbed  the winding road we drove straight into a snow storm. The snow wasn't sticking to the road, but the fluffy flakes were coming down fast enough that it made it somewhat difficult to see and with windy roads and oncoming traffic it was enough to make one a little nervous, even with a trusted leader to follow.
Since we had forgotten to have a prayer before we got on the road, I decided that that moment would be an appropriate time. Since Ashton had offered one the night before when we left Goblin Valley, Ashton's friend Matthew, was asked to do the honors. A short and simple prayer was offered and I don't think "Amen" had even left his lips when the snow seemed to abruptly stop.
All three boys were astonished at the instant change and each commented on how cool it was that our prayer was answered. Who knows....it may have just been that at that exact moment we reached the summit and came out of the storm.....or maybe not.
I like to believe the latter.
After all, that is what those three boys believe happened and aren't we admonished to become like little children? Whatever it was, I know it is an experience we all won't soon forget.

*I changed the oil in our van on the Friday that Spring Break started. The following Saturday when I was driving home from eating at Utah Noodle in Ogden for Grandpa Parke's 74th birthday, I looked down at the odometer and realized that by the time I arrived home I would've gone 1000 miles over the course of the last week.
Wow. It really was a Spring Marathon.

A Baptism & Chocolate...or is it A Baptism by Chocolate?

On Saturday, our friends the Rubows, invited us to their son, Levi's baptism. Levi is quite the special kid and because of his sheer excitement at the prospect of being baptized coupled with his exclamation of "That was fun!" as he was raised out of the water, there was a sweet spirit in that room packed with friends and family that was undeniable. It was such a sweet feeling that I think many on looking eyes couldn't help but become damp at the grin that spread across Levi's innocent face. It was one of those moments you feel blessed to have been there to witness such complete joy.

Thank You Rubow Family, for allowing us to be part of such a great day.

Following Levi's baptism and confirmation, the Rubows also treated everyone to lunch- and man, did they put on a spread! Specifically so, because there really seemed to be quite an emphasis on the dessert course- my favorite...and apparently Benjamin's too.

It was our turn to dish our plates and even though Richard had a plate to fill  for Ben with lunch items such as the BBQ pork sandwhich, chips and veggies, Ben had his own plate and a different idea what his lunch should be.

He bypassed the lunch table and headed straight for the dessert table. Now, I'm not sure how it happened or who even dished it for him, but he wound up with a huge piece of Texas sheet cake, a gigantic slice of chocolate cake that could only be described as "Death by Chocolate," and a sliver of a chocolate cheesecake that filled the entire void of a 9 inch dinner plate! I think I gained 5 pounds just by looking at it!

He didn't even bother to get a fork or spoon, he just sat down and started licking! Fearing the onslaught of a "show me how the piggies eat" moment, I quickly got him a utensil and he proceeded to shovel chocolately dessert heaven into his mouth, but not before he got it on his chin, cheeks, nose and new Easter church outfit.

It was funny.

I have to admit, I should have been repulsed by his manners or lack there of, as I think the older lady who unfortunately had the misfortune of sitting across from us was, but I couldn't resist seeing the utter enjoyment on and all over his face.

We did give him a napkin and I wished I had captured his freckled face smeared with chocolate before it was wiped somewhat clean, but of course, I had left my camera at home. That's when I remembered seeing my friend Jason, there with a bag slung over his shoulder. Since he is a photographer and not exactly the type to carry around a man-purse, I was hoping that bag contained his camera and he would be willing to snap a shot of Ben for me. 

He readily obliged and even took a break from his own dessert to not only snap one shot, but a series of Ben eating his chocolate cake.

He even got him to grin so big that choclately goo was spilling out from where Ben's front teeth should be and between his lips- absolutely adorable!

Perhaps, it's a smile only a mom could love.... and perhaps not... because the unfortunate older lady was smiling too... until Ben regurgitated the chocolate mass back out onto the plate.

I guess it's time for a Family Home Evening on manners or we'll never be invited to eat in public again.

 Thank You to the man of many names- Jason, Mr. Z, or Backroads Photography photographer- for having my back and always being so willing to capture the moment.

The Small Stuff

My husband is not a morning person. And since he is the other half that donated genetic material to our offspring, it is no wonder that half of our children are the same way. This equation makes the 9:00am church schedule virtually impossible to be on time to.

We try. We really do. It is even one of our family goals for the year with great rewards promised at the end...but we are failing.

Miserably.

Like today.
8:00- I am ready. I make the rounds softly speaking to all sleepy heads that it is time to get up and get ready for church and for Ashton: he needs to shower and now is the time to do it.
8:15- All church clothes are laid out, but there are no bodies awaiting them to clothe, so I make the rounds again, speaking loudly now, and gently shaking blanketed bodies. Frustration is setting in.
8:30- I have Emma ready and start getting her breakfast. Dallin is almost ready. There is no movement from the other bodies. I start speaking very loudly now, giving time frames, and urging them to get a move on.
8:45- Church bags are in the van. Dallin and Emma are ready to go.
8:46- I am yelling now and my frustration is increasing.
8:50- Ashton passes me in the hall on my way to dump Ben out of bed, he tells me he is heading for the shower. I tell him, "I won't be here when you get out because I got up and got ready on time and I am not going to be late."
8:51- I start to dress a 5 1/2 year old rag doll Benjamin amidst his protests and whines making me increasingly more & more frustrated.
9:01- We are late. And now I'm mad.
9:15- We arrive at church, sit in the foyer, and listen as we miss the last of the passing of the sacrament.

When we finally file in to take our seats in the overflow, I am hardly in the mood or have the spirit being in church requires. My foul mood is only increased by Ben's complaints that he is hungry. I probably not so nicely told him if he would get up when he was told to he could have had breakfast. But being the good mother I am, suspecting that this might happen, I pulled out the pretzels and Reese's Puffs in baggies I had packed. Realizing that this was the only food available he had a meltdown and proceeded to scold me for not bringing any bread for him. Perhaps, I'm not as good of a mother that I thought I was; I can't even get church treats right.

In the middle of his berating speech, Emma & Ashton spotted the Reese's Puffs, only Emma didn't want to share with Ashton. Trying to shut out Ben's incessant and scolding whine, I calmly tried to tell her that she needed to share them with Ashton. She didn't like this sharing idea, so in true 2 year old fashion, she swung her arm in a wide sweeping motion sending the cereal flying in a 4 foot semi-circle across the shiny gym floor starting at the base of my chair.

I had had it.

Richard looked at me and I looked back at him. I would pay money to be able to see the expression that was on my face.

Embarrassment, anger, defeat, frustration, or caution: volcano ready to explode. Whatever it was, Richard quickly took Emma away from me and out into the hall for a time out. One down.

But there was still Benjamin and that whine.

I wondered why I even came to church.

I tried to explain that the pretzels were all I had now and that I had come to church to listen to the speakers, not to hear him whine, so to please, for the love of Pete, STOP.

But the whine continued.

It continued through most of Sister Randle's testimony and then became spotty through Sister Giles. It was spotty enough that I heard Sister Giles testify that she knew that "Families are Forever".

Forever felt really long this morning. And frankly, not that tempting.
An eternity of whine about Wonder Bread?
No thanks. I think I will pass.

But then Brother Stephenson got up to the podium and I found my reason for being in church today. He talked about being overwhelmed with all the little things of life and finding perspective in the scriptures. He said that they helped him realize the big things that seem to matter so much now are really small in the scheme of things.

Kind of like this morning.

One really bad morning in the middle of so many other good things that my family provides for me is not worth wishing it all away. I was struck with the saying, "I never said it would be easy, I only said it would be worth it."
So I've decided maybe forever sounding like a long time really is a good thing.

Just as long as there is no whine involved...

... and Reese's Puffs are still welcome.

Not your mother's church music

Around our house on any given day there is music. This was even truer last week during "Turn Off the T.V. and Get a Life Week". There was a lot of listening going on in the Parke household. Unfortunately, it was mainly of just a few songs- over and over and over and over... My kids really know how to ruin a good song for me. It had gotten so bad that this morning, I told a friend I thought I felt like I was going to gouge my eardrums out if I heard "Fireflies" one more time. But in all honesty, I can't complain too much because when I was able to gain control of the music choices my family most likely had to endure listening to my current favorite song also. So I guess we are even.

As much as we love our contemporary music, on Sunday, they are given the day to rest and we cue up the 'Church Music' playlist. 296 songs and over 20 hours of music takes good care of us on Sunday and most of the time puts us in the right frame of mind fitting for the day. Most of the time...

A few months ago, we came home from church and I began making Sunday dinner. True to form, I turned on my laptop, opened iTunes, clicked on 'Church Music' and hit the play button... and Led Zeppelin's "D'yer Mak'er" started playing. Not exactly the Kenneth Cope or Afterglow type music I was expecting.

I knew I had clicked on the right play list, but I double checked to be sure. Sure enough I had the right playlist, but ‘Church Music’ had been added to by about 100 songs that were definitely not church music. I figured that either my playlists got crossed somehow or church music had really changed in the last week. Anyway, I spent a good hour moving all the non-Sabbath worthy songs and forgot about the incident until about a month ago.

With Benjamin in pre-school he has learned his ABC's and a month ago that was his favorite song. He would sing it over and over and over and over... I was experiencing the same eardrum gouging symptoms I have been having lately. Figuring that distraction was my best line of defense against the never ending ABC song, and since our Primary program was about a week away, I decided to download all the Primary songs we would be singing into a playlist. It was pure genius. We could practice and learn the songs we desperately needed to and hear the ABC’s sung in different keys, tempos, and expressions- as cute as they were, a little less.

When I told Ben what I was planning to do, he sat excitedly waiting for the songs to download. They finished and I clicked play… and “Don’t Tread on Me” by Metallica started playing.

I don’t think I have ever moved as fast as I did right then to stop that song from playing any longer.

Ben was wide eyed and at a loss of what was going on and questioned why I stopped the music. You try explaining to a 5 year old why we can’t sing Metallica songs for the Primary program… It’s not so easy.

So I checked the playlist and sure enough it had happened again; non Primary songs had been moved into the Primary playlist. I was getting a little miffed at iTunes about now, but you know what, it sure made me take a good look at and think about the music I have downloaded. Still, I had no idea what was going on with iTunes or why this kept happening.

But I have a theory.

I will tell you, but only….if you promise not to laugh.

My computer is possessed.

Back in high school I had this boyfriend who listened to the above mentioned group that begins with a ‘M’ and ends in ‘etallica’ and after spending much time with this boy, I grew to like a few of their songs. These songs just happen to be those which I downloaded, right before this iTunes music switching happened.

Call me paranoid, but now these songs sit unchecked as not to be played in one of my 'less active' iTunes playlists.

Just for the record, I would just like to report that the Primary program ended with out any strains of Metallica from the mouth of my son, but don't worry he had plenty of other irreverent and embarrassing behavior to frustrate me with.

So in the end, since I am now a mother and must be forced to grow up and cast off my bad habits, I guess that some things really should stay back in the glory days of high school… right along with old boyfriends.

Feedback

In August, during the training for my 10K I hit a wall.  I didn't know what was wrong with me. Normally, I wake up at the same time every day, whether I want to or not, and I don't have a difficult time getting the bed off my back. But I found myself sleeping in and pulling myself from under the covers terribly difficult. I was tired and felt like I dragged most of the day accomplishing very little.

My runs were even worse.  I was supposed to be building up my mileage to make it through the upcoming race, but found myself barely making it through 2 & 3 mile long runs. My legs acted like they had no clue what I was trying to make them do and my stamina had decided to take a vacation.

I was frustrated.

I decided the time had come for me to do something I had been putting off all summer. I went on e-Bay and ordered a Garmin running watch with GPS. I had been wanting one, but figured by running the trail with markers and using a stopwatch I could get away without spending the money and still time myself just fine.

I was wrong.

My new toy arrived and on my first run using it I couldn't believe how I ever got along without it. Running would never be the same. With just a glance at my wrist I could instantly see my pace,  know exactly just how much further I had to go to reach my desired distance, and see exactly how long I had been running. It made all the difference. Why?

Because it was feedback.

I knew exactly how my performance was. It helped me realize I was doing better than I thought I had been and it gave me that boost to make it through those hard weeks when all I wanted to do was quit.

A few weeks ago, I experienced a change that caused me to question my performance in a different aspect of my life. Change is not always bad; sometimes it is very good and sometimes it just is. This change was a mixture of the three.

I had been serving in our Primary Presidency for what would be 3 years in March.  I was privileged to have served with some wonderful women I greatly admired and had learned a great deal from.  We had a great time serving together and had become good friends as a result. Now we were being split up and sent in all different directions with new callings.

As well as being fun, those years had been trying too. We all endured pregnancy and had babies in that time which presented a little more juggling, stress, and chaos. We had husbands who frequently traveled for work or needed to be away for other reasons leaving complete responsibility of our homes and children on our shoulders along with the various other duties we had to fulfill. There were times I'm sure we wondered if it was really worth it, if we were making any difference to the children we taught and yes, there were days we just wanted to quit.

Needless to say, we started feeling a little burnt out.

Then the news came that soon we would all be released. The dam of emotion broke; sadness & relief worry & wonder. At first, I was more relieved than sad. Life was crazy; I was struggling and felt like a change was the prescribed remedy. But as the day got closer to our release the worry and wonder took over. 

A small part of me wondered; was it just a time thing that we were being released now? Why not wait until the first of the year or when our 3 years were up? A bigger part of me worried; was I being released because I had become so burnt out that my performance wasn't what the Lord needed it to be or was it simply  because a wise and omnipotent Father saw a child's need for a rest? 

The next Sunday in church I received part of my answer.  The new presidency invited us to join them and the Primary chidren for the last 10 minutes of closing exercises where they presented us with 'Thank You' cards signed by all the children. As I stood in the front of that Primary Room receiving my card  in front of all my little friends, I felt completely out of place and like I no longer belonged there. 

You would think this experience would make me sad, but it didn't. It was feedback.

I realized it was time. I had my turn and now it was time for someone else to share their testimonies with my friends and to grow from the experience of serving them. My stewardship no longer belonged there; it was time for me to progress elsewhere.

The rest of my answer came a few days later when one of those sweet Primary girls showed up on my doorstep with her mother holding a plate of cookies she and her Primary teacher had baked (3 different kinds- Wow!) and a homemade 'Thank You' card. The cookies were delicious (esp. for breakfast) and the individual gesture was greatly appreciated. In fact, it made all the difference to me.

It was that boost to help me through the tough days where I still struggle. 

It was feedback. 
 
It made me glad I hadn't quit and gave me hope that maybe my performance had been enough after all.

A promise fulfilled

A few weeks ago, as I attempted to hold Emma on my lap during Sacrament Meeting, I couldn’t help admiring her. I ran my fingers through her long, honey colored locks and appreciated the petite features of her face. Her cheeks tinted with the perfect shade of rose. Her deep brown eyes framed by long dark lashes. Her little, perfectly formed lips set right below the button nose she inherited from me and directly above the subtle cleft in her chin from her father.

As I finished my appraisal, I was not prepared for the overwhelming feelings of love for her that suddenly rushed over me. I tried to blink back the tears that burned in my eyes as I thought about that little being on my lap. To me, she embodied complete and utter perfection.


I recalled the promise I had been given in a priesthood blessing during my difficult pregnancy with her. The promise stated that "even though I would have more difficulty and more trials before the pregnancy was through, I would find much joy in the spirit that was to be a part of our family and all that I was going through would be worth it in the end."

Now, I had different tears to blink away.

Sitting there in Sacrament Meeting I realized that my Father in Heaven’s promise to me had been fulfilled. All of the pregnancy aches & pains, plus the wicked migraines and varicose veins that felt like someone shoving hot rods down the back of my legs were worth every inch of the perfection sitting on my lap.

Happy (belated) Birthday, Emzies. We couldn’t have asked for a better baby girl than you.

The Cake.

 A strawberry cake with vanilla frosting topped with Ni Hao-Kai Lan (Emma's Chinese tutor :)

Good thing Dallin and Ben were there to help blow out her candle.

Emma with her favorite gift from Pop Marlin & Grandma Jeanne.  It is a large book with lots of little books inside about baby farm animals.  She loves it and I have had to start hiding it because I get tired of reading the little books all the time!

Emma's new birthday bedding on her big girl bed.

The one that started it all

Last Saturday, I ran in the race that started it all, my Ward's Annual 5K. If you don't know the back story, you can read it here. http://buzznbugsblog.blogspot.com/2009_05_01_archive.html

Now, I know that a ward 5K doesn't sound like a lot, but to me it was everything. And I'm sorry I don't even have an accurate time to report. Due to some confusion about the course, by the time we finished we had run 3.5 miles instead of the 3.1 we were supposed too. I think I was somewhere around 27:55. But really it doesn't matter anyway. What mattered that morning was that I was out there fulfilling a goal that I had set 6 months earlier. And I did it! I ran the entire course and came in 4th overall and 1st place out of the women! My other big accomplishment that day was that my leg didn't hurt at all during the race and was just briefly sore afterwards! Hallelujah!

When the 5K finished the kids ran a 1 mile Fun Run. I have been very impressed with how well my boys have done in past years and they didn't disappoint again this year. Dallin came in 1st place! Even beating out big brother, Ashton. He came in 2nd and did not take losing to his little brother very well. He and Richard had stayed up too late the night before and he was not at his peak performance level. He still reminds us of this fact. Benjamin came in somewhere near the end with his faithful running partner, Daddy. They were all rewarded with big boxes of candy and left with content smiles on their faces.

We all did.