Deep Thoughts and Burning Bosoms

The vanity was as cluttered as my thoughts; random products from the past few days remain that there hasn't been time to sort and put neatly away.

Birthday gifts

Social Justice

Butter vs. margarine

Relief Society meals

Debbie Gibson's "Electric Youth" 

Spray tans vs. farmer tans

Shoe shopping

12 miles

Scouts

 I sleeked and smoothed, tweaked and twirled, primped and painted, while deep in thought- not particularly paying attention to or thinking about what I was doing.  

And that's when it happened.

The wrinkles were too much to get away with....not many, but enough that the shirt would not button right. I tried applying water and tugging on it. The result was just a bunch of soggy wrinkles.

Dreading wasting time and energy dragging out the iron and ironing board for a tiny length of collar and shirt tail I continued working with my hair. Somewhere between deciding to leave my hair down and what to serve to basic strangers for dinner, brilliance struck. I was using a flat iron on my hair to smooth out the god given wrinkles in my hair why not use it on those in  my shirt?  

While continuing to straighten my hair my mind dove back into the difference between being forced to be or choosing to be charitable as Debbie's lyrics wafted around the room, "....the future belongs to the future itself....Electric Youth!" and with that triumphant 80's line, I finished ironing my tresses and  moved swiftly to my collar. With one long drag of the iron the big bend sending my collar in the wrong direction was gone.  I moved down where the mass of wrinkles surrounding the button holes were causing gaps and general untidiness to try the magic of my new found tool.

The button holes are on the right and for a  right handed individual the little trick of maneuvering the 200+ degree flat iron became....a little.... awkward. Transfering it to the left hand produced better results, except for the cord. That serpentine, plastic, electricity filled lasso had managed to wrangle my elbow, bicep, and the vanity knob making its length incredibly short. One wrong move found the flat iron screeching to a halt and sending it into a free fall as it slipped out of my hand. Because of it's tethered length it didn't have far to go and instantly my chest experienced a very warm sensation which quickly transformed more into that of a burning one.

My bosom was burning!!!

And not in that good, warm, fuzzy way that deep thoughts and pondering usually produce, but in a flesh melting, why was I distracted, I almost gave myself a reduction by curettage kind of way.  The iron, which seemed more like a branding iron now than anything, was quickly removed and thanks to protective undergarments burns were avoided and only mild tenderness remained. 

So when using a flat iron DO NOT;

- get distracted by deep thoughts, political subjects, or 80's music that may hinder your normal thought process,

-try to manipulate the device with your non-dominant hand,

-think you are brilliant to use the device to iron down the facing around button holes of shirts....

....unless you are brilliant enough to actually remove the shirt first.