Sunday, October 25, 2009

Connections

A few days ago, a favorite blog of mine posted this video and wrote about how we seem to be able to forge connections with complete strangers and yet not know our neighbor next door.



Obviously, I loved it or I wouldn't be sharing it with you here.

As the music's tempo increased and locales started going by faster, I was excited to see where he would dance next and I even got misty eyed from a couple of different locations that I have an emotional connection to myself. It made me smile, laugh, cry, and think. I identified with the question posed and thought about it off and on for the rest of the week- until Friday.

That's when I saw something that made me appreciate the connections we make a little differently.

First, I have to explain something so you will understand my appreciation.

My eldest child is sensitive. You know the characteristic you hope you won't pass on to any off your offspring, well he got the double whammy. My tendency to worry and Richard's relationship with anxiety fell squarely on his shoulder's.

We realized the depth of his sensitvity a couple of years ago when he started 3rd grade. It was his second year in this school since we had moved back to the states from Canada. He had done really well getting settled and making friends his first year, so we didn't anticipate any problems the following year. The first week went fine.

Then the dam broke.

He couldn't sleep. He couldn't eat. Panic attacks started and so did the inconsolable crying. Going to school was out of the question. He would beg me not to go, but after some coaxing I would get him there only to end up leaving with him in tears. We finally got that the heart of the problem was that there was nobody he knew in his class.

No connections.

He was the only boy from his previous class that had been placed in his current one and of course, the girls he knew still had cooties. His problem all boiled down to this; it was hard enough to be the new kid and have to make friends one year, let alone two in a row.

The only way to solve the problem though was to go to school. And he did. And eventually he made friends. Things were better, he wanted me to walk him to class each day and would give me the "please, don't leave me here look", but at least he went.

There was a difference in him though. He was more particular about what he did, what he wore, and he became really concerned about what people thought about him. He didn't want to do or wear anything that might cause him to lose the friends and connections he had made. It intensified last year after a bully stopped a soccer game he was playing in to make fun of him.

The boy who used to love to dance in the kitchen with me to Elton John's "Crocodile Rock" won't even dance with me anymore.

That is why I was so surprised and delighted to be able to film my own little 'Dance' video on Friday morning following the Fun Run at the school.

I was only able to get 15 seconds of it- I wish I could have gotten more, but I will take what I could get. Just look at my boy "shaking his thang" with all of his friends (I like to think he gets his moves from me), but better yet... think of the connections he has made to make him feel comfortable enough to do it in public!

The good it did this mother's heart, who has the propensity to worry, was great. And perhaps, it is time I give "Crocodile Rock" a rest... it looks like I have a new dance to learn.

7 comments:

Jeanne said...

He has come a long way! And, will go farther! He has thanked me more for little things - like supper here at our house - and for helping him with something. He also has not immediately disagreed with me or started the "debate" as readily as he used to! I love hime! as all the little ones who are becoming big ones too fast for Grandma.

Rachel said...

Oh Natalie. Bless his heart. The things we have to deal with in life are so hard but even harder I think is seeing our kids struggle.

Ashton has a great teacher this year!!! And I loved seeing the kids out doing their dance with Mr. Z at the fun run. If only we could take our favorite teachers with us year after year but then.....we wouldn't do that learning and growing thing which Ashton is learning to do this year.

Good job mom!!!

Chastina said...

I'm glad he is doing better! It's so hard to watch them suffer. Yet so exciting to see them grow.

Gerb said...

That teacher has the amazing ability to take a classroom of strangers and turn them into friends. I have seen it with every one of my kids as they have gone through his class. They become a sort of family, really. And you know what's amazing? His influence has been around for a long time and I'm always amazed where I find it. (okay, this comment is going to be super long... my apologies...) Last year I went to Girl's Camp with our stake and had the amazing opportunity to work with all of the YCLs (girls who were going to be seniors the next year) all week. At one point we were sitting around in a cabin, talking about things they remember. One girl said, 'Remember Mr. Z's class?' And a bunch of them said "YEAH!" and started talking about how great it was to really bond as a class for a year and how some of those friendships continued throughout high school because of the way they learned in his class to give everyone a chance to be their friend. Then one girl said, "Remember the Czechoslovakia song?" and they all jumped up and started singing and dancing and teaching it to the girls who didn't know it. They then turned it into their cheer for the closing ceremony that night. It was awesome. (If you're on Facebook I have a video I made of them doing it at camp. Maybe I'll look for you tonight...)

Sorry for the blog post length comment... what I could have just said was - I agree. Connections are so important!

Richard & Natalie said...

Mom- He has and I see more and more evidence of it everyday.
I hope your party went well tonight. I've felt funny today- like I should be there helping you get ready, but you or I live too far away from the other. Thanks again for your help the other night. I owe you for more than just my life...

Rachel- Yes, we lucked out. He struggled last year too, but we didn't request a specific teacher for him; we only asked that he be placed in a class with one of two friends of his. It just so happened that their parents requested him.
It is nice to see the learning and growing taking place even if it sometimes means a struggle.

Chastina- So true, so true.

Richard & Natalie said...

Gerb- You and I were posting at the same time, so I'm sorry I didn't include you in the last response.
Don't mind the lengthy comment, I quite enjoyed it. I would love to see the girls camp video. If you don't find me perhaps I will find you.
I really hope the influence sticks around for years to come and that this is just the first of many 'dances' Ashton participates in because of it.
PS- I'm looking forward to actually meeting you in person this week.

Guest said...

Connections are a wonderful thing, aren't they. Your post made me smile when I read it.

Thanks.